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Title: Obstructions to Nityananda Gauranga Naam
User: Swami Gaurangapada Date: 2007-03-14 06:42:06
Jaya Nityananda! Jaya Gauranga! Jaya Hare Krishna!
Maharaj, this is my first time posting here, and I do so with great humility. Please forgive my lack of understanding and if I ever write anything that is offensive, to yourself, the Gauranga Dharma or any of the beautiful Vaisnava's, please understand I do so out of ignorance.There are those people who seem to want to belittle anybody who doesn't fit the right 'mould'. For a few years I have attended a Vaishnava temple in England and have made great friends. Some of these people appeared shocked when I mentioned I wished to fall under the wing of yourself Swamijji insisting I should stick with their temple or nothing. This is very painful and I didn't really know how to answer. I don't want to cause offence, all I want to do is chant the holy names and be friends with everybody.When this subject arises again how is the best and most humble way of addressing it?
Answer by Swami Gaurangapada:
Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krishna! Jaya Shrila Prabhupada! Pranams and Blessings!Thank you so much for your wonderful and simple sincerity to chant the Holy Names and for desire to participate. I will respond to your question in two parts. One on the practical level and one on the philosophical level. We do not like to discuss about any particular institutions. We greatly appreciate the wonderful accomplishments and the services of sincere devotees in all the bonafide Gaudiya Vaishnava insitutions and we remain a humble servant of all of them.
On a practical level, we very much appreciate the association you have received from the temple devotees which has helped you to come to this stage in your spiritual life. Surely some among them are your Shiksha Gurus. So we understand that it caused you pain to hear criticism but on the other hand they are your good devotee friends too. Here we give great respect to the Shiksha Gurus who take the trouble of training and teaching a person from scratch when he or she comes from the material atmosphere. They are our real saviours. Also we respect and adore our critics because they are constantly giving us a chance to become humble which is only qualification required to achieve the mercy of Their Lordships Shri Shri Nityananda Gauranga.
So we would like to suggest that if accepting Mahadiksha in Gauranga Dharma will make you estranged from them (which it should not but unfortunately it probably would, they may close their doors on you) and if you feel that you may not able to discharge your spiritual life without their physical association (because Gauranga Dharma presently provides only Internet Cyber association for devotees in London), then it is better to chant the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas along with the Hare Krishna Mahamantra personally and instead accept Diksha from a spiritual master in ISKCON so that you keep on getting their physical association. Our service in Gauranga Dharma is not motivated with the desire to achieve followers or simply to initiate more and more disciples and thus we will be always there to serve and guide you online whenever you need our help whether you are our disciple or the disciple of any other bonafide Gaudiya Vaishnava spiritual master in this world. In this case, we would only request you to chant the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas daily along with the Hare Krishna Mahamantra come what may whatever any one says (because it is the order of Lord Nityananda - the Guru of all Gurus to chant Gauranga's Name constantly) so that you can quickly and offenselessly achieve pure love for Lord Gauranga-Krishna very soon.
Spiritual life is a voluntary and spontaneous thing, so no one can be forced either way. So if you still want to accept Mahadiksha from us then you have to be prepared that they may totally boycott you and ban you from even going to their temple. They may not even like to meet you or talk to you. They may think you are coming to convert some more of them to Gauranga Dharma. We do not say they will but they may think like this. It will be very unfortunate if that happens. Also by discussing with them there is danger or chance of your hearing more and more offenses and their commiting more and more offenses if the discussion is simply based on sectarian or institutionalized considerations. Also for them to accept the principle of chanting the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas along with the Hare Krishna Mahamantra will be very difficult to accept because they say that Shrila Prabhupada did not directly introduce it even though he may mentioned about in his books and instructions and even though many great acharyas have described and also practiced the constant chanting of Nityananda Gauranga Nama. So it will always remain a clash with them on this issue too. We do not have much to offer you in the sense of big temples or properties but we have the most merciful Nityananda Gauranga Nama, our writings (which are our life) and our humble services online. We are making you aware of all these things because you can take a proper decision.
We do not want to initiate you and then later you are brainwashed into leaving Gauranga Dharma. That will lead to many offenses against Guru and Gauranga and will cause unlimited pain to us. So you have a chance to firmly decide what you want now since now you have become aware of both sides of the issue. After initiation it will be too late to decide, that is why we have taken so much pains to let you know in detail what would happen either way. In conclusion we want you to be happily situated in spiritual life so that you can joyfully chant the Holy Names of Nityananda, Gauranga and Hare Krishna! I hope we have not offended anyone in this regard and we believe we have a right to express ourselves in this regard so that no inconvenience is caused to anyone including you, them and us.
Now the philosophical consideration, I would first like to present a few relevant quotes from our Acharyas beginning with Shrila Prabhupada himself:
Shrila Prabhupada writes:
"There are many societies and associations of pure devotees, and if someone with just a little faith begins to associate with such societies, his advancement to pure devotional service is rapid." (Nectar of Devotion: Chapter Nineteen p.41)
Comment by Swami Gaurangapada:
When Shrila Prabhupada himself states that there are many societies and associations of pure devotees not just one and he himself recommends sanga with them for rapid spiritual advancement (what to speak of forbiding it), then it is expected of his followers also to respect these societies and thus respect these wors of Shrila Prabhupada.
Srila Prabhupada writes that: "Krishnadas Kaviraja Goswami gives equal respect to all the preachers of the cult of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, who are compared to the branches of the tree. Iskcon is one of these branches." (Caitanya-caritamrta Adi-lila 10.7, purport)
Comment by Swami Gaurangapada:
When Shrila Prabhupada states that Iskcon is one the branches of the Gauranga tree, it means that there are many other branches also. And each branch has to respect the other branch also because bothof them are a part of the body of Lord Gauranga.
Thakura Bhaktivinoda in Krsna Samhita 8.22: Sloka and Purport are by him:
sampradaya-virodho 'yam davanalo vicintyate
揟he eleventh obstacle for the Vaisnavas is sectarianism, which takes the shape of the forest fire. Due to sectarianism a person cannot accept anyone outside of his own group as a Vaisnava, and as a result he faces many obstacles in finding a guru and associating with sincere devotees. Therefore extinguishing the forest fire is most important by giving up this mentality.?
"Party spirit - that great enemy of the truth - will always baffle the attempt of the inquirer who tries to gather truth from the religious works of his nation and will make him believe that the Absolute Truth is nowhere except in his old religious book." (Shrila Bhaktivinoda Thakur)
"A sannyasi should have an institution meant to preach Krsna consciousness" SB 7.13.34 Shrila Prabhupada
"Therefore, in the line of Lord Caitanya even the sannyasis can speak about Krsna consciousness everywhere, and if someone is seriously inclined to become a disciple, the sannyasi always accepts him. The one point is that without increasing the number of disciples, there is no propagation of the cult of Krsna consciousness."(SP in NOD 7)
"The idea of an organized church in an intelligible form, indeed, marks the close of the living spiritual movement. the great ecclesiastical establishments are the dikes and dams to retain the current that cannot be held by any such contrivances. They, indeed, indicate a desire on the part of the masses to exploit a spiritual movement for their own purpose. They also unmistakably indicate the end of the absolute and unconventional guidance of the bonafide spiritual teacher. The people of this world understand preventive systems, they can have no idea of the unprevented positive eternal life. Neither can there be any earthly contrivance for the permanent preservation of the life eternal on this mundane plane on the popular scale." (Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur, Harmonist 29.7)
As per Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada above no external arrangements, societies,and institutions in this world will remain forever, infact mostly they may remain for the number of years the Founder is personally present on this planet or for a few years or decades more. This may be true not only for ISKCON but even for the Gauranga Dharma Mission, the institution which we have founded. But Gauranga Dharma or Krishna consciousness is not like that because it is the eternal religion and function of the soul in relation to Lord Gauranga-Krishna so the various societies under Gauranga Dharma and Krishna consciousness may come and go but it will remain forever and will triumph for the next 10,000 years.
ISKCON was formed by Shrila Prabhupada also as a part of the real Gaudiya Math because Shrila Prabhupada actually tried to fulfill the orders of his Guru Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada by leaving Gaudiya Math and forming ISKCON. Can you say that since the name of ISKCON is different from Gaudiya Math which his Guru Maharaj has originally founded, Shrila Prabhupada left his spiritual master? No, that would be the greatest offense because all of Shrila Prabhupada's endeavours were simply to please his Guru Maharaj Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada.
We have instructed all devotees of Gauranga Dharma to try to cooperate with any Gaudiya Vaishnava institution as much as possible if they accept the process of regular chanting of the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas along with the the Hare Krishna Mahamantra and have asked all our devotees to never ever minimize in public or private the preaching efforts of any Gaudiya Vaishnava institution or devotees. We are not interested simply in increasing the number of followers and all our followers are free to visit any temples and associate with all devotees and Gurus of all Gaudiya Vaishnava institutions if there is no minimization of Gauranga Dharma and the sublime process of chanting of the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas along with the Hare Krishna Mahamantra. Even if some uninitiated devotee of Gauranga Dharma desires to accept initiation from another bonafide Gaudiya Vaishnava Guru from any other institution, he or she is welcome to do so if that Guru accepts the glories of chanting Holy Names of Nityananda and Gauranga and Gauranga Dharma and we will always be there to serve him or her.
An Acharya like Shrila Prabhupada is a Jagadguru, just like a sun. A sun is never Indian, American, Chinese etc. Anyone can bask in the sunlight in any country. Similarly anyone can take up the practice and preaching of the Acharya's instructions and please him and Their Lordships Shri Shri Nityananda-Gauranga anywhere in the world whether officially inside the society founded by the acharya or outside the four walls of the soceity or in some other organizational setup. One's external standing in any particular organization has nothing to do whatsoever with the implementation of the practice of the teachings and instructions of the illustrious Acharya. How can ever try to limit the teachings of the Acharyas to simply one institution for the next 10,000 years. For eg is the teachings of Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada and Seventh Goswami Shrila Saccidananda Bhaktivinoda Thakura limited for only Gaudiya Math? No all devotees whether in Gauranga Dharma, ISKCON or any other society can hear, preach, and practice them in their lives. Same is with Shrila Prabhupada's teachings.
Some say that one cannot please Shrila Prabhupada outside the ISKCON institution. It is like saying that one cannot get sunlight if one leaves a particular country. It is also like saying that no devotee is ISKCON can please Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada because they are situated in a different institution than Gaudiya Math, the institution which he actually founded and which he told that no one should leave. We know that is not true. All the devotees can please the previous acharyas by sincere following their Vani even if they are situated in some other institution or no institution at all.
Infact the true spirit of the Acharya is there where a devotee is sincerely trying to follow and practice the teachings of the Acharya whether inside or outside the four walls of an institution. Sometimes a person maybe externally be within the four walls of very society founded by the Acharya but if one is deviating from the instructions of guru, sadhu and shastra, one cannot actually be in the pure Vaishnava society as envisioned by the Acharya. That is what is meant by Krishna or Gauranga consciousness. Walls cannot have consciousness, it is in the devotees' hearts. The allegiance to an Acharya's teachings is not a sectarian phenomenon. Also one should first clean up one's house before sayinhg that no one outside the house can be clean.
As Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta points out in his extraordinary quote above, that an organizational arrangement created by the unconventional Acharya who descended from the spiritual world may or may not last in his physical absence but his eternal teachings are actually the life and soul of his followers who may be born even after 1000 years from now. As per the Gita, even the parampara started by Krishna Himself gets lost due to the degrading effect of time. So it does'nt make sense to simply be stuck up in the shadow or the externals of the four walls of an organization which is anyway going to wither away by time. The real thing to consider is the vani of the Acharyas. Because through this medium they eternally remain in this realm guiding their followers who may be externally situated in some other organization or in no external organization at all.
It strengthens the mission of Shrila Prabhupada and Lord Gauranga to have many missions and societies preaching his message. Because if something happens to one society the others can atleast carry on. That is why Shrila Prabhupada himself made ISKCON and BBT separate. The real ISKCON is not simply an earthly legal society of bricks and walls but the society where the vani of Shrila Prabhupada, the Acharyas and Their Lordships Shri Shri Nityananda-Gauranga is practiced and preached. I would say Shrila Narada Muni, Shrila Shukadeva Goswami, Shrila Bhaktivinoda Thakura etc. are in the real ISKCON because they are in 100% Gauranga-Krishna consciousness. Actually speaking unless we are 100% Gauranga-Krishna Conscious we can never a part a 100% part of the real ISKCON. The real ISKCON is so glorious.
A Vaishnava organization meant for preaching should understand that it is one of the branches of Gaudiya Parampara. But if it claims that it is the only branch and rejects the devotees in other organizations outright, it is committing the greatest offense of indulging in partisan, bigoted and dogmatic sectarian considerations which lead to mass-scale Vaishnava aparadha. This has repeatedly happened in the past and everyone knows the consequences also. Still persons in general don't seem to learn from the mistakes of themselves and others in the past and thus do not fear to criticize others at the drop of the hat just based on a narrow-minded, bigoted and sectarian understanding. Infact it has become a kind of habit or an intoxication to indulge in minimizing devotees outside one's group. No one even thinks of the dire consequences for themselves if the person being minimized has genuine desires to please Guru and Gauranga even though he may be apparently acting or preaching in a externally separate group than the others who are criticizing him. It is not surprising because even inside the group one may be criticizing each other so it can be obviously expected that they will criticize anyone who is outside their group or leaves their group without caring a least to try to find out about the genuinity of intentions. Both internal and external mud-slinging infact becomes a part of life or a strong irrevocable habit in these close-minded secular groups.
One should thus associate and hear from Gauranga Bhaktas not on the basis of such a narrow-minded secular organizational understanding rather one should consider their adherence to the teachings of Guru-Sadhu-Shastra and how nicely they have imbibed the instructions of Guru and Gauranga and how much faith they have in the process of chanting the Holy Names of Nityananda, Gauranga and Hare Krishna.
FURTHUR QUOTES FROM SHRILA PRABHUPADA REGARDING THE CHANTING OF the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas:
To chant the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas is not something beyond the instructions of Shrila Prabhupada but is the direct and repeated instructions of Shrila Prabhupada himself. Some of the quotes of Shrila Prabhupada from the above link are as follows:
Srila Prabhupada in Cc Antya-lila 2.31 purport: 揥orshipers of Sri Gaurasundara accept the four syllables gau-ra-an-ga as the Gaura mantra, but pure worshipers of Radha and Krsna accept the four syllables ra-dha krs-na as the Gaura-gopala mantra. However, Vaisnavas consider Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu nondifferent from Radha-Krsna (sri-krsna-caitanya radha-krsna nahe anya). Therefore one who chants the mantra 揼auranga?and one who chants the names of Radha and Krsna are on the same level.?
(Shrila Prabhupada in Cc Adi 8.31 purp)擜 neophyte student who is not sufficiently educated or enlightened should not indulge in the worship of Sri Radha and Krsna or the chanting of the Hare Krsna mantra. Even if he does so, he cannot get the desired result. One should therefore chant the names of Nitai-Gaura and worship Them without false prestige. In the beginning one should *** very regularly *** chant Sri Gaurasundara抯 holy name and then chant the holy name of Lord Nityananda. Thus one's heart will be cleansed of impure desires for material enjoyment. Then one can approach Vrndavana-dhama to worship Lord Krsna."
Prabhupada: 揘ow, what is the difference, Nitai-Gauranga and Hare Krsna? Nitai-Gauranga and Hare Krsna, there is no difference. Nitai-Gauranga is also nice. Whatever he finds convenient, let him chant.?(Shrila Prabhupada's Room Conversation with Yoga Student specifically regarding Japa, March 14, 1975, Iran)
揑t is very beneficial to chant the names sri-krsna-caitanya prabhu-nityananda before chanting the Hare Krsna maha-mantra because by chanting ##### these two holy names #####梥ri-krsna-caitanya prabhu-nityananda梠ne immediately becomes ecstatic, and if he then chants the Hare Krsna maha-mantra he becomes free of offenses.?(SP in Cc Adi 8.24 purport)
Srila Prabhupada in Cc Adi-lila 8.31 purport: 揑t should be noted in this connection that the holy names of Lord Krsna and Gaurasundara are both identical with the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Therefore one should not consider one name to be more potent than the other. Considering the position of the people of this age, however, the *** chanting *** of Sri Caitanya Mah鋚rabhu抯 name is *** more essential *** than the chanting of the Hare Krsna mah?mantra because Sri Caitanya Mah鋚rabhu is the most magnanimous incarnation and His mercy is very easily achieved.?
On board the ship Jaladuta, September 13, 1965, Verse 3, by Shrila Prabhupada: 揃y his (my Guru Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura Prabhupada抯) strong desire, THE HOLY NAME OF GAURANGA will first spread throughout all the countries of the Western world. Then in all the cities, towns, and villages on the earth, from all the oceans, seas, rivers, and streams, everyone will chant the Hare Krishna Mahamantra.?
Shrila Prabhupada抯 Letter to: Niranjana, Brooklyn, 21 May, 1973: 揧ou mention that they have not even heard of Lord Gauranga. So that is their misfortune, and our misfortune also. in India, they could not preach Lord Gauranga抯 name all over India.?
Shrila Prabhupada in Cc Madhya 24.330: 揟he spiritual master has to select a mantra for his disciple according to the disciple抯 ability to chant different mantras.?
Shrila Prabhupada抯 Letter to: Shachimata, Bombay, 8 December, 1974: 揑t is the advice of Narottama das Thakura to chant the holy name of Gauranga either if one remains at home or in the forest. Similarly, do not forget the chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra either you live in the temple or at home.?
Shrila Prabhupada in Srimad-Bhagavatam Lecture 2.1.2, Vrndavana, March 17, 1974: 揟hen you become gosvami. Then, as Narottama dasa Thakura says, grhe va banete thake ha gauranga bole dake. Ha gauranga, 慉lways chanting Nitai-Gaura, and thinking of Nitai-Gaura,?such person, Narottama dasa Thakura says... Grhe va... 慔e may be a sannyasi, or he may be a grhastha. It doesn't matter. Because he is absorbed in the thought of Nitai-Gaura.?So narottama mage tanra sanga: 慛arottama is always desiring to associate with such person.挃
Shrila Prabhupada in Sri Caitanya-caritamrta class, Adi-lila 7.4, Mayapur, March 4, 1974: 揘arottama dasa Thakura is aspiring for the day when Nityananda Prabhu will be pleased upon him. Just like Jagai-Madhai was delivered by the mercy of Sri Nityananda Prabhu, so we have to pray Nityananda Prabhu. He's very merciful. He's so kind, Baladeva, He gives spiritual strength. Then we can approach the Supreme Lord. Therefore we chant 揘itai-Gaura.?This is the process. We cannot change this policy.?
Shrila Prabhupada in Krsna Book Chp 20, Description of Autumn: 揝rila Narottama d鋝a Thakura prays that he will have the association of a person梕ither a householder or a man in the renounced order of life梬ho is engaged in the transcendental loving service of the Lord and is always crying the holy name of Lord Caitanya.?
Shrila Prabhupada in SB 1.5.16 purport:
揟he expert devotees also can discover novel ways and means to convert the nondevotees in terms of particular time and circumstance. Devotional service is dynamic activity, and the expert devotees can find out competent means to inject it into the dull brains of the materialistic population. Such transcendental activities of the devotees for the service of the Lord can bring a new order of life to the foolish society of materialistic men.?
Shrila Prabhupada in Cc Adi 7.31-32 purport:
揌ere is an important point. Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu wanted to invent a way to capture the Mayavadis and others who did not take interest in the Krsna consciousness movement. This is the symptom of an acarya. An acarya who comes for the service of the Lord cannot be expected to conform to a stereotype, for he must find the ways and means by which Krsna consciousness may be spread.?
Shrila Prabhupada during a Room Conversation, August 14, 1971, London: Prabhupada: No. We are recommending 揅hant the holy name of God.?So if you have got the holy name of God, you can chant that. Prabhupada: Anyway, if one chants Allah or Jesus Christ, we have no objection. We don抰 say that you stop it. We say that you chant the holy name of God. If that name is of God, you chant.?
I hope this helps.
Always chant Nityananda; Gauranga; and
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.
Yours in service, Swami Gaurangapada
Title: Re: Obstructions to Nityananda Gauranga Naam
User: Lakshmi Priya dd Date: 2007-04-15 15:41:41
Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krishna!
Dearest Gaurangapada Maharaja,
I was so pleased to see this question answered so nicely. I, too have encountered this and this answer has so nicely helped me clarify. Thank you so much!
your spiritual grand-daughter,
Title: Re: Obstructions to Nityananda Gauranga Naam
User: Swami Gaurangapada Date: 2007-04-16 11:29:05
Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krishna! Jaya Guru Parampara! I wanted to inform the devotees that Lakshmi-priya devi dasi has been initiated by our Nitaipada Maharaja into the the Nityananda and Gauranga Mantrarajas and the Hare Krishna Mahamantra due to her sincere desire and nice guidance by Nitaipada Maharaja. I pray and bless her for swift advancement is Naam Bhajana and sincere service to the Guru Parampara and the Supreme Lord Nityananda Prabhu.
Title: Re: Obstructions to Nityananda Gauranga Naam
User: Matus Date: 2007-04-16 18:48:43
Dear Swami Gaurangapada Gurudeva,
Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krishna!
i would also like to thank You from my heart for posting this article. It is a issue which concerns all of us, the Nityananda Gauranga Soldiers and not only. In fact it is an universal issue, which happens to appear again and again, everywhere, as Shrila Bhaktivinod a Thakura Himself states in the above quotes. It is very nice that in this form everyone is informed and the "cards of both sides are being shown" to the guests and devotees. It is very auspicious and transparent.
Thank You very very much.
Title: Re: Obstructions to Nityananda Gauranga Naam
User: Damodara Svarupa dasa Date: 2007-04-19 17:32:24
Nityananda, Gauranga, Hare Krishna!
Jaya Guru Parampara! Jaya Swamiji Gaurangapada!
Dandavats to all the Vaishnavas!
It seems to me that at some point some of us run into this dilemma and need to make a decision in one or another way. It might be helpful not to think in terms of what we might loose, but instead think of what we might gain from making this choice. The process of making this choice might be an "eye opener" as well.
Shrila Haridasa Thakura wasn't allowed into the different temples because he wasn't Hindu by birth. But did that stop him to chant the Holy Names? Did the severe lashing in 22 market places stop him from chanting the Holy Names? Afterwards, did he stop associating with Their Lordships? No, on the contrary! There is so much bliss in the chanting of the Holy Names of Nityananda, Gauranga and Hare Krishna that it can not be put aside that rashly.
Let us pray that this person who is about to make a difficult decision doesn't over haste, so that he might receive the special Mercy of Lord Nityananda in one or another way...
Yours in service,
Damodara Svarupa dasa
Title: Re: Obstructions to Nityananda Gauranga Naam
User: Nava Gauranga dasa Date: 2007-05-04 11:25:37
Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krsna!
Jaya Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga!
It seems to me that at some point some of us run into this dilemma and need to make a decision in one or another way. quote by Damodara Svarupa dasa
I remember that such a dilemna occured in my spiritual life just over two years ago. At the time it was most difficult for me, and I made several public blunders (on the internet) in asking other spiritual masters about the chanting of the Mantrarajas. But through it all I kept chanting them everyday. And Swami Gaurangapada was very patient with me when I eventually opened up to him about my faith crisis.
The faith crisis eventually lifted and my faith became much steadier (and strong testimony has been growing day by day since). So this experience was really a time of growth and maturity for me.
And I agree with Damodara Svarupa Prabhu, this great gift of Nityananda/Gauranga diksha should not be cast aside lightly. With time and patience, and dedicated practice in Nitai-Gaura Naam jaap, the fruit will eventually start to appear. And it is sweet and full of mercy. And Nitai-Gaura Naam jaap will lead one deeply into the Hare Krsna Mahamantra.
Sometimes these faith crisis can be the greatest blessing if worked through wisely and patiently.
y.s. Nava Gauranga dasa.