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Title: No Material Ambition
User: Neil LA Date: 2007-05-04 23:57:30
Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krishna!
All Glories to Swami Gaurangapada!
All Glories to the Guru Parampara!
All Glories to the Vaishnavas!
I'm getting ready to move to Los Angeles. It looks like now I will be moving there around the first of June.
I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not really looking forward to being unemployed and having to look for work. I really have no ambition at all. I know I have to work to support myself, but I really have a difficult time careing about work at all. It just seems like I have to go someplace and waste eight hours a day pretending that I care about something that has no real lasting importance or value.
I'm tempted to say that I "wish" I could somehow be a full time devotee and somehow work to spread Gauranga Krishna Consciousness. I "wish" that I could somehow find the time to chant 64 rounds a day and be a serious devotee of Lord Nityananda.
But then I remember something Nitaipada Maharaja said on the thread about sleep. He said "Please do not "wish" you were a monk, take that desire and use it to gain the spiritual advancement and set spiritual goals necessary for you to advance nicely in Krishna Consciousness.
One need not waste time "wishing", one must act upon this desire if it is correct and make the necessary changes in one's personal life to attain them."
That's true. I need to set spiritual goals for myself and do what I can do to achieve them. But I'm not sure what my goals should be.
I feel dissatisfied with working at a job that i feel is meaningless, but I really wonder if that is just putting a lable on it and not seeing that any job could be an opportunity for service.
Maybe I should see having to get a new job as a wonderful new opportunity to bring Gauranga Krishna Consciousness into a business setting. Maybe I can have a few of Praphupada's books at my desk and have a photo of Swami Gaurangapada and Srila Prabhupada and a picture of Gaura Nitai. Maybe I can find opportunities to talk to others about Gauranga Krishna Consciousness and try to do a little preaching.
When I think about that, I always tell myself that I don't know enough to be able to preach to others and that I would be too nervous to try to distribute books. But I want to take things as new opportunities and rise to the challenge.
I really want to serve Sri Guru and the Vaishnavas. I just don't think that I have any particular talents to do anything. I see all these great websites about Krishna Consciousness and I just don't think that I have any ideas.
Maybe at this point, all I can do is just keep chanting my rounds. I sincelerly believe that if I can keep that up, then how I can serve will be shown to me when the time is right.
I have to stop being so impatient...If thats one thing that chanting teaches me is that 16 rounds a day is 16 rounds a day and if I want to do it, I just have to be patient with the process and just do it. Maybe thats how it is with life.
Pranams to the Lotus feet of Swami Gaurangapada and all the Vaishnavas