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Title: Nityananda's Mercy
User: Nitaipada_Maharaja Date: 2007-01-05 13:05:51
I spent most of the day chanting the Holy Names of Nityananda/Gauranga and Hare Krishna. I was not feeling well today, guess my dialysis is not doing it's job since I haven't any energy to accomplish my chores.
I happened to notice that I spent an extra amount of time chanting the Holy Names of Shri Nityananda Prabhuji. I didn't do this out of mindless chanting, I continually bring my mind back to task so that my chanting is as pure as possible. But I had done several rounds of Nityananda's Holy Name, its as if time passed to swiftly for me to notice. I must be truly needing the sweet mercy of my Dear Lord.
I find that I unwillingly seek His tender mercies and His lotus feet when I am not feeling well. It is only through His unlimited mercy that I have remained in the position that I am in. Swamiji told me several years ago that endless amounts of karma is burned up in the chanting of the Mantra-Rajas, but to be in this physical affliction to must mean that I was a terrible person in a past life to be paying such a high one in this one. But...I am determined to continue chanting the Mantra-Rajas along with the Maha-Mantra as Swamiji requested so that I may attain His lotus feet.
During Gayatri this afternoon, I could see my dear Swamiji working so hard on the Shri Navadvipa Mahatmya. I have no doubts that he is working hard to translate such important books for ingrateful individuals like me. But...it was so vivid, like I was standing in the room with him. I must rely upon Swamiji for understanding such an exhaulted manuscript because Shrila Bhaktivinoda speaks such high words, words that I cannot seem to grasp.
I continue to read the Shri Navadvipa Mahatmya although it is difficult for my understanding. I am in the seventh chapter, but I have had to read it through several times so dull is my intellect. Oh...what it must have been like for Shri Jiva Goswami to be personally escorted on Parikrama by my sweet Lord Nityananda Raya! I seem to be getting some mercy from Shrila Bhaktivinoda, because I am beginning to actually see my Beloved Lord and Shri Jiva Goswami as I am reading this marvolous book!! It is such sweet nectar to be on Parikrama with Lord Nityananda and His pure Associates. It is His sweetest nectar and mercy to allow me along since I cannot perform Parikrama personally as my heart desires.
I can't wait to get through to another chapter. I pray that I have the strength to move on to chapter eight tonight. I am not in any rush though. I need the mercy of My Sweet Lord and His personal association.
I'll end here for tonight. I must retire early or I won't get the rest this weary body needs. Shrila Gaurangapada is most merciful to allow me to have this space. Maybe during Gayatri this evening he will show me his mercy again by allowing me to have his personal darshan.
Your eternal servant;
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