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Title: My Absence
User: Nitaipada_Maharaja Date: 2007-01-05 13:05:51
Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krishna! All glories to Shrila Bhaktivinoda, Shrila Prabhupada, my most beloved Shrila Gaurangapada and all Vaishnavas. Please accept my humble obeisances and blessings. I pray that this meets you well and in the service/mercy of Shri Guru and Shri Gauranga.
I have been absent for to long. I have dearly missed the association of the Lord's devotees, not to mention the wonderful time spent at the lotus feet of my beloved Gurudev, Shrila Gaurangapada. But, this illness takes it toll upon this material body at times, leaving me with little strength to do anything other than chant the Holy Names.
These past few weeks have been very tiring, but Shri Nityananda Prabhuji is very merciful to me, always keeping before my mind's eye the beautiful form of my Beloved Gaurahari. I attempt to continually meditate upon His most beautiful Form, and especially upon His lotus feet. I cannot explain why I receive Their special mercy, but I pray that if this illness is to keep me continually at Their lotus feet, that They never remove Their hand from this material body.
A few days ago, I felt so much better after spending the night in the Holy Names. No sooner had I logged onto the computer that I opened up a page a devotee sent me and I contracted a terrible computer virus. So fearful was I of spreading this virus, that I shut down all communications until I could resolve this crisis. I accepted this as the Lord's mercy that He did not desire for me to be back in association with the world, so I continued to chant and remain with disciples via the telephone while my computer was in the shop. Seemed like an eternity before it was returned to me, but all my precious files were maintained and nothing devotional was affected.
I am so happy to be able to once again log onto Shrila Gaurangapada's site and have his association again that it is beyond words. I have replied to a few questions since I logged on, only to have my heart in my throat when Shrila Gaurangapada approved my posts. Oh the joy of seeing his name come across this screen!!!! I pray that he is as joyful that I am once again in his pure presence as I am!
My heart longs for the day when I can serve him properly and not make him regret taking me under his care. I realize that much of what I have written in response comes from my own personal experience, and the grief Shrila Gaurangapada has had to endure at my lack of discipline. I pray that my little service to him is worthy of his thoughts, for just as we long for a side-ward glance from the Supreme Personality of Godhead, I long continually for my beloved Gurudev to bless my small endeavors in his service.
Your eternal servant;
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