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Title: So Far Today

User: neilsf    Date: 2006-07-12 18:40:30


Nityananda! Gauranga! Hare Krishna!


So yesterday I came up with the resolve to set reasonable goals for myself. I said that it is more realistic for me to start out chanting at the Nityananda Ashraya level which is the vow that I made. I also said that it would be more realistic for me to get up at 7 AM instead of 4 AM, 7 would still give me some time to chant in the morning.


Well, yesterday I was able to finish my rounds. I'm happy about that.


This morning, I slept until 7:45 but was able to chant some rounds quietly on the bus. I really feel that I have a difficult time doing the simplest of things.


I am so grateful to be able to chant Nityananda and Gauranga as well as Hare Krishna. Nityananda and Gauranga are most merciful to fallen souls and I really am a fallen soul. I prefer sense enjoyment to anything that takes work or involves pain. I am lazy. I am a glutton. I pray that their Lordships to please give me a taste for the Holy Names. I really desire to be able to sometime chant 16 rounds. It seems like an impossible goal...


I pray that I can stay here and not want to change religions again. When I'm in the midst of one thing, I suddenly remember how much I enjoyed another thing and I just change and change. That shows me how I'm just chasing after pleasure, not being sincere about knowing God. I so much want to enter the bliss of Nityananda's pastimes. I want to taste the bliss of the Holy Names.


I will try my best today and do what I have to do.


Please pray for me and send me your blessing!


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