|NITAAI-Veda.nyf > All Scriptures By Acharyas > Gaura Govinda Swami > Gopil Jiu > Chapter Four > "Please Give Me Prema"|
"Please Give Me Prema"
Throughout his life he wrote daily entries in his diary. For the most part these were in the form of letters to Gopal. Each entry would begin, prabhu gopala krparu, kona si mate dinoti koti gala "By the mercy of Prabhu Gopal, this day was spent thus..." The enŽtries would end with a prayer to Gopal, "Please give me prema-bhakti, ecstatic love of God." t, A sample, from 1 October 1973:On account of the Durga-puja festival, school will be closed for some time. It will be 'reopened on Thursday 18 October 1973. To day 1 saw a picture of Sri Chaitanya in Banambara's shop. In that picture I saw Mahaprabhu clutching the feet of the prema-maya-yugala-murti, the divine loving couple.Sri Chaitanya Dev started chanting divya-prema-ndma, Krishna's divine ecstatic names.He rejected suska-jndna, dry knowledge. He preached divya-ndma-prema. He gave nama-prema to all indiscriminately. Prema-taranga,the waves of prema, spread everywhere.Wherever He was going, prema was following. Even the very hard-hearted got a touch of that prema and their hearts were changed This is the wonderful power of prema! By see ing that picture of Sri Chaitanya Dev I got a sparsa, a touch of that prema. How can I get a picture of that Sri Chaitanya Dev? By seeing His picture I'll get a touch of prema and from prema I'll get wonderful inspiration and bliss.Then I can give bliss to others. Prabhu Gopal,please shower this mercy on me! Give me shelter at the prema-kutir of Sri Premanandaji! I must drown in that divya-prema and, giving
prema to others, pacify the fire in their hearts! Braja-bandhu Manik From 9 October 1973:
By the mercy of Prabhu Gopal, on the last two days our Gitd recitation program was finŽished here in my ista-deva's [Gopal's] temple. Prabhu Sri Gopal, O You who are known as premamnda, as prema-maya-purusa, as vrnddvana-bihdri, and as rddhd-kantal By your mercy this Gita program was finished with ananda and prema. Prabhu, may Your place be joyful! May prema and ananda, love and bliss, be distributed! Make me Your servitor! Give ine an opportunity to distribute that prema and ananda! Don't cheat me! Because You are antaryami-natha, the Lord of my heart, You know my desire. And I am begging that from You! Please give me that prema and anandal Let me get it and let me distribute it!The 1973 entries frequently mention his desire to renounce family life. From 10 October:Today there was a mahotsava, a festival.Prasadam was distributed and hala-gopak-lila,Your childhood pastimes, were recited.Prabhu Gopal, for a long time I have had a desire to hear songs of mana-bhanjana-lila, sto ries of how Krishna breaks the sulkiness of Srimati Radharani. Prema-mayi Radharani had developed abhiman, loving pride, and Krishna was experiencing intense viraha-katara, pangs I of separation, because Radha would not permit Him to see Her. Therefore there was an need for mana-bhanjana. Today, by the mercy of Prabhu, it happened. Vrndavana-bihari, Krishna, became radha-prema-bhikari, a beggar of Radha's love. My Gopal dressed up like a sannyasi to beg prema-dhana from Radharani. O Prabhu Gopal, please make me a yogi, sannyasi like that! I don't need anything, Prabhu. I am not asking You for material opulence, respect, glory or anything else. You may give those things to my younger brother 'Kripa-sindhu. Let him maintain Your family Make me a samsara-vairagT-yogi, a renunciate of family life. Let me beg that prema-dhana, that wealth of love of Godhead! Let me distribute prema and ananda! Let me serve You! Please shower this mercy on me, Prabhu! Please bless me with prema-bhakti, ecstatic love for You!